Christmas Time for the Jews

Oh you can feel it in the air, its that time again. Its the time where Michigan fans still feel they haven't lost a game yet this year, they've just run out of time. A time where the Lions are so far out of contention they've already booked their Hawaii vacation for February. Not to mention an unusually high amount of breakups and an unusally low amount of new dating. But this time more than ever is a chance to recognize a group of people that we have taken for granted, and those people are our loveable friends the Jews. Now as I hope you know we just ended Hanukkah and I just wanted to pay our good friend Lee's people the respect they deserve. So lets gather around the golden minorrah, proclaim someone the Hebrew Hammer, sip on some zima, crank the Barbara Striesan, and talk about how all Palestinians are cock sucking son's of bitches. Because of them we all feel better about the size of our snoze even if it means our interest rates are through the roof. And I mean who else could make millions for a show about nothing. So without further ado watch this next video to find out what all the Cohen's, Levi's Bernstein's, and Rosenburg's are up to this holiday season.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl

Oh such simple observations from such a simple man. Berti at first upon reading your riveting blog I thought that these matters should be settled outside in the parking lot in a gentlemanly style. But then I quickly realized that your ever shortening leash would not allow you partake in such a masculine endeavour. By the way I heard you have been summoned to purchase some Tiffany, guess your going to have to make it rain 200 times. Anyways, I have to say that I agree with some of the statements. Yes you are right, we as humans grow in different intervals, because different events shape each of our character in different ways. Therefore in your case your ego grows increasingly large, but it pales in comparison to the size of ever expanding vagina. For Berti I do not attribute your lack of swearing to your enormous vag but a consistent hiding from who you are and what you do. Recently you have been putting up a facade that you attribute to your so called "maturity" but rather it is your fear of your own change. For you want people to see you as you were sweet and innocent, but the problem is your running through a cliff of rye and Holden isn't there to catch you.
Berti I didn't know you in eighth grade therefore I can not comment on the changes you have made in your life, I can only comment on mine. For I have learned that there is only one person that we change for and that is ourselves. Because when we look in the mirror we aint fooling anybody, for at the end of the day the only opinion that counts is our own. So while everyone thinks they're clever as fuck and using the old DPC is gay joke I will just quote the former David Uberti by simply stating "I don't give a shit". Berti why do you keep pounding this gay card, do you want me to be gay? I distinctly remember you professing your love to me and then making a move at my giant vagina loving cock, and no I don't giggle my ass off when it is the truth. Because I know I am not gay and I'm proud of the person I am, and if anyone doesn't believe it then fuck them and have a nice life. Because at the end of the day life is too short to waste on people that you don't respect.
So I leave you as always with a video that I feel is very representative of our situation. For you are the giant vagina unaware of yourself and your insecurities forced to lash out against those who mean no harm. After this Berti don't be mad but rather thank me because I have allowed you to plunge off that cliff and rediscover who you really are. So I believe this saga will have to end in the teachings of the very wise and noble Michael Scott we just gotta "Hug it out bitch!"

One Liners

Most of you already know that my one line capabilities have been widely publicized. So with the help of KDubs I have put together all the funny lines that I can remember. So enjoy part 1 of the truth by DPC.

• She must have wanted that like its extinct
• It's like Fort Know trying to get in here.
• I said BITCH!
• Even a blind squirrel can find a nut.
• She's as easy as Etymology.
• Damn Kyle it is just redonculous just how much I am dominating you. You're not even decent.
• Nuge, you just have a genetic disadvantage when it comes to driving.
• Bitches get ready its Rolling Stones Friday.
• Zephyr, I mean that car just screams Star of David.
• Andy you cheap bastard use your own phone.
• I did it too perfectly.
• I'm a tit man! Hold up there on the TV.
• What the hell do you do to pancakes?
• Summers your like Buddha, Confucius, Allah, and Jesus rolled into one.
• Lee I can recognize you van anywhere, I mean looks like its straight out of Baghdad.
• I heard he's got a legend in his pants. Jelso "What, you mean a map key?"
• Berti why are you always on the skins team?

Let me remind you this is only this is only the first installment and this list will only continue to grow. But before I leave I got to say one thing that's on my mind. That is that I am upset with the recent trend of my friend Dave Uberti's blog. I mean I thought his motto was that he do whatever the fuck he wants, but lately his blog has been very PG. My hypothesis is that Berti is becoming a blog whore, this disease is uncommon and only happens to about 8% of blog owners. He has shown the key symptom which is releasing his blog to his entire family, and everyone he has ever met. Quite frankly he seems only to be concerned about the number of views he gets. I was especially disturbed with his latest post and the absence of commentary about a Saturday night. So Berti ball is in your court, and it's time to choose between quality or quantity.

On to my, video which this time I have to give much of the credit to EMaise who has been on my case to check out the Whitest Kids U Know skits. So without further hesitation witness the legend of the Slow Jerk.

P.S. Shout out to Tim "Bones" Hasse, who dropped a cool 11 points in limited playing time because his team was just raping South Lyon. Eric what can I say other than hats off for a solid pre-hydration.